The Therapist Poetry Podcast

When Daddy Completed Suicide

It’s an honor to share the deeply emotional poetry of Antonella, whose work reflects a journey through loss, pain, and ultimately, healing. The following poem is an intimate portrayal of the impact Antonella’s father’s suicide had on both him and her, as well as the way that pain echoes through generations. Before sharing her poem, Antonella offers some context to explain the feelings that led her to write it.

The Impact of Grief and Suicide on Survivors

The unbearable pain ended your life before it left your body. Silent, it kills, and you felt alone and misunderstood. Your whole life came crumbling down with vicious trauma—a wound that kept bleeding but couldn’t heal. An end to the pain that left you unable to feel, emotions drowning in floods. No one saw the bleeding of your psyche, the torment, the suffering. It was too much for one soul to carry, yet you did no wrong. Society failed you. Trauma was so misunderstood, ignored—no wonder you felt so alone.

You didn’t end the pain because you didn’t love me. It had nothing to do with me. I couldn’t save you from the hell of your mind, though I had no way of knowing that at such a tender age. My family didn’t speak about it. The tears built up inside me, and the pain had to hide. So many unanswered questions haunted my young mind. They took everything that belonged to you, and yet they asked me if I ever thought of you.

They abandoned me, and I was left with nothing of you except the parts of me that came from you. I wish I had the chance to know you, to make memories, to share life. The words that went unsaid. I grew up afraid—afraid no man would love me, afraid they, too, would die, afraid of abandonment. I thought I would die. My mother, too, tried to end her struggles, afraid I would be left alone—both parents gone, and for love and safety, I longed.

I tried to do things the way you did them, to feel closer to you, to know you. So many people said I looked exactly like you. Mental health was a stigma in your time. Treatment was barbaric, and that alone could have ended your life. It was an endless plight, in a small village filled with gossip, ignorance, and insensitivity. I was labeled as the daughter of the man who ended his pain.

You were dehumanized, and so was I. Why did it matter how you died? I was a toddler when I first learned the truth. A girl at nursery told me, and I replied that I already knew. Suicide is complex, and the pain of losing someone to it doesn’t get easier when your loved one is demonized by ignorance and a lack of empathy. When mental health and suicide are stigmatized, when you and your loved ones are seen as bad and wrong in others’ eyes, the shame isn’t yours to carry—or mine.

This poem celebrates you and the love that never died. Grief isn’t only for the loss of those we knew, but also for the loss of the loved ones we never had the chance to know. My little girl’s heart still loves you, and I send this message to heaven with all my blessings.

Understanding Grief Through Poetry

Thank you for allowing me to share Antonella’s story, Ricky. I deeply appreciate your openness to hear about the suffering her father endured, as well as the personal and social pain Antonella experienced after his death. The stigma surrounding suicide back then was overwhelming, and it compounded the trauma of losing him.

As Antonella mentioned, she was only a week old when her father died, so the loss and trauma occurred when she couldn’t even hold her head up. It’s a challenging experience when you’re told things like, “How can you miss someone you never knew?” People struggle to understand that grief is real, even if you never had the chance to form memories with someone.

Grief is not just about death—it’s about the void left by the things that never were, the opportunities that never came to be. For Antonella, it was also about the unanswered question: why couldn’t you give us a chance? Maybe I could have changed your mind. She felt rejected and abandoned. But in time, Antonella came to understand that her father’s decision wasn’t about her—it was about pain too great to bear.

Breaking the Stigma Around Suicide and Mental Health

Your baby girl was born a blessing, a beauty, yet you left her all alone as she returned to a place called home. If only you had given both of us a chance, you would have realized that you would have made your heart dance. A time came when she went in search of Papa and was told he was in heaven—a place so far away. Her little heart broke when she realized there was no hope. Gone was her Papa in that distant place.

She would see other girls playing with their daddies, laughing and happy, and tears would cascade from her eyes. She cried for hours, her heart heavy with loss. Strangers in the street would pity her but never speak. To his grave, she would bring flowers, cards, and souvenirs, but all it brought her were endless tears.

She always loved her Papa, even though she had no memories to share. The thought of never having him was too much to bear. Throughout her life, the void remained, but the love never went away. Her Papa was not gone, she learned. He was in her heart, just a beat away.

A Message of Hope and Understanding

Thank you, Antonella, for your vulnerability and the important message you’ve shared through your poetry. It’s essential that we continue to break the stigma surrounding suicide. There should be no blame or judgment for someone who is in so much pain. We seek relief from pain in many forms, whether it’s through medication or other means, and for some, suicide becomes that final release.

Ending the taboo around mental health and suicide is crucial. People need the freedom to grieve openly, and survivors of suicide need understanding and support, not shame. As Antonella shared in her poems, grief is not linear—it evolves over time and hits at different phases of life. She’s brought that truth to life beautifully.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Antonella, and for reminding us that grieving isn’t a single, defined moment. It’s a journey that we all take in our own way, at our own pace.

I hope your words bring comfort to those who may be experiencing similar pain. Thank you again, Antonella, for being brave enough to speak out. Your story will help others find healing, too.